


what if tomorrow comes and takes the night away

by moonlucilfer



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Panic Attacks, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:08:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27486310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlucilfer/pseuds/moonlucilfer
Summary: What if tomorrow never came? Well, Yukhei thought, then he would still be happy to be trapped here, repeating the same day with the person he loved and cared the most. It would hurt, but not as much now that he had a purpose. Letting Kunhang know how loved he was every single day.
Relationships: Wong Kun Hang | Hendery/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Comments: 4
Kudos: 36
Collections: Moonlight Reverie - A WayV Fest





	what if tomorrow comes and takes the night away

**Author's Note:**

> The title is inspired by the ending piece of the musical Black Friday by Starkid Productions, What If Tomorrow Comes. I am very neurodivergent and this is the first time I have written something as long, so please be nice and patient. :)

It was a little past noon. 

Yukhei usually didn’t wake up this late, but it was expected after yesterday’s flight. It took two hours, not that long of a flight, yet it was still tiring. 

He woke up alone, head aching. He would spend the whole day in bed if he could, but he had to get up. Not turning his head entirely, he checked the bed next to him, no trace of his roommate. He felt a little bit at ease. With a sigh, he closed his eyes again. Feeling relieved because his best friend wasn’t in the room with him, he wasn’t sure what to feel about this. He delayed thinking about stuff as it hurt his head further.

Gathering strength, he sat up. Kunhang’s bed was messy, as expected from him. Being roommates with him was always comfortable as he was messy but not dirty. Something was so cosy about laying in an unmade bed together with him while the morning sun hit their faces. In their regular dorm Yukhei didn’t have Kunhang as his roommate, but they would always get so happy whenever they were matched during schedules. Except, Yukhei wasn’t happy. He hadn’t waited long enough for morning sun to hit their faces before leaving Kunhang’s side to just lay on top of the blankets on his own bed. An unbearable, lonely feeling was overtaking his feelings. A groan of distraught came from his throat. With his every move his head would throb. Deciding to go back to sleep after greeting everyone, he got up from his bed.

As hard as it was to walk to the bathroom, he got there. His head wasn’t the only part that was killing him. He never liked flights but never did he get this disturbed by a two hour long flight. He washed his face, looking at the mirror right after. He looked extremely tired with the dark circles under his eyes. It almost felt like his mistake was weighing on top of him. He exhaled loudly. Messy, he looked messy but not the cosy kind that he associated with Kunhang. Palming his forehead, he tried and convinced himself that it was nothing. He wasn’t going to let this get between their friendship. Just because of a mistake he made, he wasn’t going to let Kunhang drift away from him. He thought of his best friend waking up earlier than usual, disturbed with Yukhei’s actions last night. Head heavy in hands, he washed his face again, hoping that he could find his reflection easier to eye when he raised his head.

The unfamiliar sensation of panic slowing him down, he made his way to the kitchen that was attached to the living room. “Good morning,” said a voice so intimate, coming from his back, making him realize that he wasn’t ready to face the other yet. With a smile that didn’t really reach his eyes, Yukhei nodded back, not finding the strength to look at him. His whole insides were trembling in confusion and panic. He opened his mouth to greet him, no words coming out. “Are you as tired today?” Yukhei wished to continue his much important task of getting water from the fridge, but Kunhang didn’t seem to let him. A silent “no,” left his mouth, still searching for the water bottle that was very much in front of him. He was sure that Kunhang didn’t hear him, wanted to make the situation better but no other words came out. The tiredness that was overpowering him a few moments ago had left it’s place for embarrassment. He was out of place, mentally and physically.

“Yukhei.” He closed the fridge with a bottle in his hand, continuing his desperate search this time for a cup. “Is everything alright?” Yukhei nodded, dismissing the question, and buried himself in the cupboard. A finger poked him, making him turn to Kunhang who had a cup on his hands, passing it to Yukhei. 

“Thanks,” he managed to say without looking at him. 

“What’s wrong?” Yukhei winced as Kunhang wrapped his fingers around his hand, making the cup fall and shatter into pieces. He looked at the mess he made, and turned back to Kunhang. Eyebrows knitted together with clear confusion and hurt, he was trying to read him. Yukhei got down to his knees, doing his best to gather all the shattered pieces in his hands. 

“You’re going to hurt yourself.” Yukhei shook his head, continuing to aggressively collect the pieces. He was holding them too tight, tight enough to cut his hand. He didn’t want to give Kunhang a reason to worry so he didn’t react to the cut at all, but he seemed to have noticed anyway. “And you already did. You’re acting so fucking weird, Yukhei.”

Yukhei shook his head. “No, I am not.”

“Oh, so now you decide to answer?” He paused, his hands weren’t moving anymore. “Yukhei,” Kunhang said, “Yukhei, look at me.” He did. “You can’t expect for me to act like nothing has happened.”

Yukhei raised himself, eyes on his hands which were full of broken pieces of glass and blood staining them. “But nothing did.” 

“Nothing did?” 

He made another mistake by looking at his eyes. Full of confusion and hurt again, they were fidgeting around Yukhei’s face. Yukhei wasn’t processing things. What was happening, he had no idea. He wasn’t supposed to hurt him. He was doing this for him, Yukhei had made a mistake, why was he stumbling, he asked himself, why was he so clumsy? The frown on the other’s face, he wanted it gone but he didn’t know what to do. Yukhei was supposed to correct his mistake, but being this awkward with his best friend, he wasn’t correcting anything. From head to toe, he was embarrassed. He tried to change the topic. “Where are the others, anyway?” he asked, looking around.

Kunhang didn’t take his glare from him, Yukhei was sure he hadn’t blinked in a good while. “They went out to have breakfast.” He sighed loudly, taking Yukhei’s attention back to himself. “And I waited for you like a dumbass.” Disappointment in his voice was easily detectable. 

“I am not really hungry, Kunhang,” said Yukhei, apologetically. 

“Of course you’re not.” Kunhang moved back. “Fucking clean this place yourself.” He turned his back and paused for a second, shaking his head disapprovingly. “I hate eating by myself, but you know,” he took a glance at Yukhei over his shoulder to see if he had any room to change his mind. 

“Can’t you join others?” 

He walked away. “Goodbye, Yukhei,” he said, slamming the door as he was on it.

Yukhei relaxed his muscles, not aware of how tense he was until then. He should have handled this better, he thought, he should have apologized like a normal person. Many voices in his head were shouting at him for making Kunhang upset. Seeing him this way always worked very well to hurt Yukhei. He was more of a “I am not mad, just disappointed,” type, and if he was honest Yukhei would prefer him being mad instead of let down. His head started throbbing once again, worse than ever, so he decided to take a nap.

Yukhei found himself slumped down on the sofa, with the bliss of having forgotten what had happened an hour ago. What woke him up was the others coming in, being as loud as possible. Eyes halfway open, he searched between them. “Where is he?”

“Where is who,” asked Dejun. 

Yukhei clenched his hands, thinking that this was a very stupid question to ask. “There is only one person missing, isn’t there Dakjun?”

Dejun seemed taken back. “Dejun, what’s going on?” Kun asked.

“He is asking where Guanheng is.” Yukhei hadn’t realized that he was talking in Cantonese.

“He said he would eat with you,” said Kun.

“So he didn’t come to find you?” Yukhei was starting to panic. 

“No, he didn’t. There is no way he knew where we went out to eat.” 

A silent “Fuck,” left his mouth. They kept directing questions at him, which Yukhei didn’t really want to answer. “He told me he would join you,” he lied. He was confused and tired enough, his headache was still killing him and he didn’t want the other’s to intervene with something that was between him and his best friend. They didn’t need to know, Yukhei thought, or maybe he was scared of them finding out that he had upsetted him. He jumped to his feet, ignoring the wasting pain in his head, he grabbed his mask and left immediately. There were people shouting from his back, but he didn’t hear any of them. 

His heart was beating too fast with panic. Yukhei was not used to being this anxious at any given time but he was freaking out. 

They didn’t know this place one bit. Their first time in Japan let alone in Osaka, it was impossible for Kunhang to not get lost. Where would he even go, he asked himself, looking around when he left the apartment. Outside was looking so much different from when they first came the day before. He was outside, yet he was having trouble breathing. Everything looked so foreign to him. Besides from some of the plates that had characters he was familiar with on them, he felt completely out of place. 

Yukhei took some time to think. Kunhang had woken up much earlier than him. He must be hungry, he thought, he must be tired too. He was close, probably. If he was close, why did Yukhei leave the dorm instead of waiting for him to get back, he asked himself. Kunhang didn’t know where they would be eating, as Kun-ge said, he probably was having breakfast somewhere. He felt weird in his stomach. He was now sure that he overreacted by sprinting outside, but he couldn’t bring himself to calm down and turn back to the apartment. 

He cursed at himself. They hadn’t got their phones for Japan yet, they were supposed to tomorrow. Not that Kunhang was going to answer if he called him, but still. Feeling hopeless, he knew he was at a dead end. It was over, he didn’t know where to look, who to call, what to do, so he gave up. With a burning sensation behind his eyes, he turned around and tried to remember where he came from. How did he let this happen, why did this happen, he was questioning himself, unable to find answers. He started walking back as fast as his body let him, which was very slow as he didn’t have neither the strength nor the determination. Trying his best not to cry in public, he dragged himself in this crowded yet lonely street.

He had to go back and let their manager and others know about the situation. He had to tell the truth, but hell, what even was the truth, Yukhei had no idea. Finally recognizing the surroundings, he was an absolute mess of emotions. He didn’t have the right to be sad, he thought, but he was disappointed in himself. Wishing to take the morning back, he returned to the apartment. As expected, everyone was waiting for him, very worried and full with questions.

Kunhang didn’t come back that day. Or night. They looked everywhere, searched for every possible place that he could have gone, yet didn’t find him. This was not his first time sprinting out like that and disappearing for a while, he had his way of dealing with stuff, but it was still concerning as they were in a foreing country that they didn’t know anything about. Yukhei found it very hard to go to sleep as he was so worried for the other, but after a whole day of running around he did nevertheless. 

He found his body aching even more than yesterday when he woke up. His first instinct was to look at the other bed next to his. It was left unmade, looking the same as before. Kunhang hadn’t slept here, it seemed as nobody had touched it since yesterday morning. Yukhei considered the possibility of him sleeping somewhere else, without losing much time waking up this time, he rose up and raced to the kitchen.

To his surprise, Kunhang was sitting on the sofa, watching television in a very uncomfortable looking position. His head was hanging down and his legs were on top of the couch. It seemed weird, but didn’t prevent Yukhei from letting out a sigh of relief. He felt the elephant sitting on top of his chest go away. “Kunhang?” he asked, voice shaking with anxiety.

“Oh-” He straightened his position. “Good morning Yukhei,” he said with a whole grin on his face. Why was he smiling at him, Yukhei wondered, after all that happened yesterday. “You were so tired last night, didn’t expect you to wake up this early.”

Yukhei couldn’t wrap his head around to how Kunhang knew that, but he brushed the thought off as his head was aching. He looked around, trying to figure out the time, but there wasn’t a clock around. They weren’t in their regular dorm, were they. “What time is it?”

“It’s around 8:30.”

“Didn’t you sleep last night?”

“I did Yukhei,” he chuckled, “we did together, remember?”

Oh, Yukhei thought, did he sleep next to him? Was he sleeping that deep to not notice Kunhang right next to him? Perhaps that was why his bed was still the same way as yesterday. “When did you come?”

“Huh?” He frowned. “Oh. I just woke up, not a long time ago.”

“No,” Yukhei shook his head, was he avoiding the question? He was glad to see him back, but he had some questions to ask as each and every second was getting more confusing to him. “To here. When did you come to the dorm?”

“The same time as you did, idiot.” He laughed. “You just woke up, drink some water or something before asking me stupid questions.” Oh, yeah, Yukhei had just woken up. He didn’t have an opportunity to sit and think for a moment. It was very early in the morning and he had slept less than he should have. As he was so anxious yesterday, his mind was blurry when it came to what had happened. He took a deep breath, everything was okay, Kunhang had come back. Thank god, he thought as he sat next to him. 

He was very smiley, very giggly, regular him, Yukhei thought, shining so bright it was blinding. Not being able to think of a conversation topic, he focused on the channel playing in front of them. The volume was down, and even if it was up he wouldn’t understand anything, but it was a nice distraction. He absolutely hated himself for still being awkward around him, after all that mess that he created for being weird yesterday. He hadn’t learned his lesson, had he. 

Getting more comfortable, Kunhang changed the channel and put his head on Yukhei’s shoulder. Classic move, he was always like this with his best friend, yet Yukhei jerked with his touch, this time putting extra effort into not drawing back. Yes, he thought, this was normal. Regular them, the best friends that they were. Yukhei cleared his throat, preparing himself for the many questions he had, “Aren’t you mad at me?”

Kunhang giggled. “Why would I even be mad at you?”

It seemed like he had cleared his mind after running away, but Yukhei couldn’t stop himself there. “You seemed pretty mad before you left yesterday.”

“I didn’t leave for anywhere, Yukhei. Is this a dream you had?”

“No-” Yukhei whispered to himself as he pulled himself away from Kunhang’s touch. He didn’t know what else to say. Did he decide to pretend as if nothing had happened, he questioned, maybe that was for the best but he was sure his actions would have some consequences as he created a mess for everyone yesterday. 

“You’re up early.” Someone entered the kitchen, making him flinch. It was Kun, he always had answers, Yukhei was glad he had woken up, yet he was awful calm for whatever reason.

“Yeah we are,” Yukhei rushed his response, “Kun-ge, don’t you have something to tell Kunhang?”

Both of them turned their heads to him with confusion. “Like what?”

Either Yukhei was going mad or the others were playing a prank on him. An awful joke it was, Yukhei thought, playing with his feelings like that. He was awake completely by this point, and he was sure that what happened yesterday wasn’t a dream he had. He remembered everything vividly, there was no way it was a dream, he had never seen such a detailed dream before. Maybe he didn’t have the right to complain, he thought, but did he really deserve a vile prank like this? He forced himself to laugh, “I’m just joking,” he said, except he wasn’t. If something was going on, he was going to figure it out himself.

“He’s acting a bit weird, Kun-ge,” Kunhang said, visibly amused by Yukhei’s confusion. Yukhei didn’t know if this was a way to make him regret his actions, hell, he was already regretting them, yet seeing Kunhang smile put him at ease. Whoever planned this didn’t probably count how much Yukhei cared about him, he thought.

Kun drew to get a bottle from the fridge, not minding the two too much. “It’s okay, he must be tired after the flight.”

A lightning stroke inside of Yukhei. After the flight, the flight was the day before. Why would he still be tired because of it? “When was the flight?”

“We arrived like ten hours ago, you dummy.”

Holy shit, Yukhei thought, this was on another level. His heart raced as he searched for answers inside of his head, not being able to come to a conclusion. “What day is today?”

“It’s sunday. 18th of August.”

Yukhei let out a laugh. It was the same day, the same date as yesterday. The same, all over again, as it wasn’t painful enough to live through it once. The pain inside his head worsened, he took his head in his hands as he tried to force the thoughts away. He had gone mad, this was the only explanation. Could this be even real, or possible, he questioned, could he really be repeating yesterday? He didn’t understand anything, but it made sense somehow. This was why Kunhang wasn’t mad at him, he didn’t even remember yesterday. Maybe it wasn't yesterday, maybe it was today that he didn’t remember. He had no memory of him fucking up. 

Yukhei felt sick in his stomach as everywhere felt claustrophobic. He couldn’t breathe and he couldn’t stand staying there for one more moment. He got up, not looking at his friend’s faces, and ran to his room, locking the door. He tried to open the windows, it didn’t open entirely, he knew why, it was to prevent stuff. But knowing the reason didn’t make him feel less trapped inside. Maybe locking the door wasn’t the greatest idea, he thought as it felt like he was cornered in his own room because of it. He couldn't bring himself to unlock it, though.

An overwhelming sensation grew inside his chest as his chest got very tight. He knew he could be overthinking this, or maybe all was a dream and nothing else, yet he couldn’t help the panic wave that was wrecking him. He tried to calm himself down, inhaling through his nose and exhaling through his mouth as he imagined happy thoughts. It was barely helping, but anything to clear his mind, really. 

It was impossible, he said out loud, he was just dreaming. This stuff only happened in science fiction, only in movies and books, how could he be repeating the same day? Yeah, he said to himself, no way this was right. He tended to overthink things, this was one of the examples. He was about to go to the bathroom to wash his face, finally convincing himself to stay calm, but someone knocked on the door. 

It was probably Kunhang, whom Yukhei was still not ready to face. Whatever happened happened, but the situation he was in made everything worse in his head. Kunhang got mad at him, they fought, he ran away, even if all these were a dream Yukhei had, he wasn’t ready to face him after his mistake last night. 

“Yukhei, you there?” His voice was so sweet. Yukhei didn’t deserve this sweetness from him, he really didn’t.

“Yeah.”

“You don’t have to open. Is everything alright?”

“Yes,” Yukhei groaned. “No. Maybe.”

He heard Kunhang laugh from the other side of the door. “That’s not really an answer, is it?” Yukhei didn’t have a response to that. “Talk to me.”

“Kunhang we had a fight yesterday,” he said, rushing the words out of his mouth.

“No, we did not.”

He shook his head, this was driving him insane. “Yes, we did.” He heard him mumble a few words but didn’t try to understand what they were. “I kissed you the day we arrived. I avoided you the whole morning. You stormed off, didn’t come back.”

“You must be mistaking your dream for reality.”

“Kunhang please,” Yukhei exclaimed louder than he anticipated. “Please, remember. Please tell me you’re joking. It can’t be a dream if I remember every second of it, can it?” he cried, “Are you messing with me because I hurt you yesterday? I am sorry, but please, it’s not funny anymore.” 

There was silence for uncomfortable seconds. “Yukhei-”

“Leave,” he said. “Go away. Leave me alone.” He waited for the other to say something, to object, to tell him that it was all a joke, yet nothing happened. “It was a mistake. I shouldn’t have kissed you.” Yukhei couldn’t control the words that came out of his mouth. “You’re my best friend, Kunhang. I can’t face you right now.” He took a deep breath, finally concluding his ment he said, “Please go away.”

It was well past 3 AM, Yukhei was wide awake. He hadn’t talked to anyone the entire time he was locked in, hadn’t eaten anything, hadn’t unlocked his door once. It was cruel not letting Kunhang in his own room, but he had too much going to deal with anyone else but himself.

If all of his speculations were to be true, all of these wouldn’t have any consequences, anyway. If he was repeating the same day, his grumbling stomach would ease down by the morning, Kunhang would forget everything, he would have the same day all over again.

If he were frank with himself, he hadn’t had the same day. He had two entirely different days because of the way he had behaved. Assuming that his fears were true, then he had the consciousness over the loop that he was in but not the control. So, if he didn’t intervene, this could go on forever. Yukhei suddenly felt too much pressure on himself, he begged the mother earth for tomorrow to come. 

As the clock hit 4 AM Yukhei felt really sleepy. He didn’t want to sleep just yet. 

If this was just a part of his imagination, he would have so many things to deal with tomorrow, much more stuff to explain to others, yet he couldn’t help himself but to wish for it to be just a dream. He could always apologize and move on, or give the others the time to move on. He didn’t know if his existence was real, his head was spinning. He did nothing but sit in the same corner of the room the whole day. Some people came to check on him, none of them were Kunhang as expected, and Yukhei didn’t answer any of them. They were worried about him as well, according to what Kun came to tell him. Yukhei had hurt him one more time, how unexpected. 

He was feeling like a garbage human being. A sudden wave of energy hit him, he got up, checked the time. It was almost 5 AM. Different from all of the panic attacks he had that day, he was suddenly feeling very energetic, almost like he slept for two entire days. He drew to the door, unlocking it without hesitation. Kunhang was there. 

He was there, sleeping right there, with a thin blanket over himself. Yukhei felt his heart drop. He thought the other would sleep in the living room, or with one of the members who didn’t have a roommate hence the empty bed. He thought Kunhang would be sleeping there, somewhere. It must be cold, he supposed, it must be uncomfortable, why was he sleeping in front of his door? Was that because he was worried about Yukhei, a question he had. The entire world seemed to have broken, something was missing inside of Yukhei, he felt horrible, like the worst person in the entire world.

Yukhei got down to his knees, sitting on top of his heels, to be the same level as the boy in front of him. Kunhang looked uncomfortable, of course he did, who wouldn't be in this position. He had a frown on his face, realizing the dried up tears on his eyes made Yukhei feel like somebody had chewed his heart and spit it out. He slowly dragged his thumb towards Kunhang’s face, hesitating and pausing mid air. He wasn’t sure if it was okay for him to do that, he was the one who hurt him at the end. Yet, he couldn’t help himself, he hated seeing his best friend this miserable, so he carefully wiped besides his eye which was still a bit wet. He was probably awake moments ago, Yukhei thought. Kunhang whimpered, slowly opening his eyes. Trying to comprehend his surroundings as well as Yukhei, he blinked once or twice. Yukhei looked at his wet eyelashes, tired and confused eyes, he froze. He didn’t dare take his thumb back from his face. Kunhang opened his eyes wide, trying to figure out the person holding his face dearly in this low moonlight. Raising his hand, he felt the warm touch of the frozen boy who he had realized to be Yukhei.

Kunhang opened his mouth, searching the others expression, trying to understand what all these means. He managed to slip one word out, “Xuxi-” he said, before Yukhei felt an intense power throwing him somewhere. He was laying on his bed.

Sudden change in the environment made him gasp for breath. He sat up to look at the clock beside him, it was pointing at 5 AM. It wasn’t as surprising to see Kunhang sleeping peacefully on the bed next to his, looking the same exact way as when he left his bed two nights ago. Yukhei wasn’t as hungry, or as tired, almost like all those sensations were sucked out of his body, only to leave fear behind. He was panicking again, more than he did before now that all of his speculations were proved to be right. In denial, he got up, his hands were shaking, he sprinted towards the door. This couldn’t possibly be right. He didn’t dare look at his roommate, he seemed like someone totally different from just seconds ago, Yukhei had a hard time recognizing him which was even more terrifying to him. He didn’t dare look at him, or recognize him as Kunhang, he just opened the door to check if he was there. He was not, oh god, Yukhei thought as his chest got tight again, he was there just seconds ago. They were there, he was crying, Yukhei woke him up. Less than a minute ago. Yukhei’s head started to spin as the realization hit harder every passing moment, he wasn’t overthinking, not this time. He was repeating the same day, for the third time it was the 18th of August. He turned back to their room, making a lot of noise that he hadn’t noticed but woke Kunhang up. “Xuxi-” he asked, almost the same way as he did before, though Yukhei couldn’t really see him even if he looked his way. The world was blurry, then black, the last thing he felt was the gravity pulling him down.

Gaining consciousness slowly, Yukhei opened his eyes. He was much calmer than he expected himself to be, the pain in his head was almost untraceable and he was very relaxed. It took him a few seconds to focus on Kunhang who was sleeping next to his arm. Had he been waiting for him, Yukhei asked himself, his back must be hurting sleeping like that. Why was he always in positions that looked uncomfortable, Yukhei wondered, still he was glad to see him there. Taking his eyes from the boy, he analyzed his surroundings. He was in the same room, their room, nothing seemed out of the ordinary except he could bet he was on some type of medication. 

He had fainted in front of Kunhang, hadn’t he? He reevaluated what happened. The sudden pull he felt at 5 AM, finding himself on his bed right after. He had lost all hope as it was now confirmed that he wasn’t dreaming, or the others weren’t pranking him, but just to check again, he woke Kunhang up.

“You were sleeping next to me, then I felt you get up. When I opened to check where you were, you fainted. I didn’t know what to do, so I woke everyone up. It seemed like you were just sleeping though, also I didn’t see you hit your head anywhere, that’s why we just decided to wait for you to wake up.”

Yeah, Yukhei thought, nothing he did yesterday had effects on this new day. He didn’t bother replying to him, as he couldn’t care less about the others. He checked the time again, it was almost evening. Fuck, he swore under his breath, he had slept until evening. He tried to sit up, Kunhang immediately putting an arm behind his back to support him. He attempted to get off the bed. “It’s better if you rest more, Xuxi.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Oh,” Kunhang said, a bit taken back with Yukhei’s harsh voice. “Oh, okay.” It didn’t take long for Yukhei to regret his attitude, he looked at Kunhang who was staring at his hands at this point. He had always been a bit sensitive, it was okay, obviously, Yukhei didn’t care if he was sensitive, he always treated him with care. No way he would do anything to hurt his best friend, well, except for the past two days, and those didn’t have any consequences, anyway. He felt horrible about them still, but even if he killed the other right that moment, it wouldn’t matter tomorrow. So, he didn’t say anything to make it better, he just stood up. He was getting tired of this room after yesterday.

“I am heading out.”

“To where exactly?” Kunhang asked as Yukhei opened the door.

“Kunhang, I-” Yukhei didn’t know what to say. He was feeling calm, which was impressive on its own, but he still had no clue what he was going to do. The only thing he knew was how overwhelming this place was getting to him. He had to leave, he had to leave and search for answers maybe outside, maybe somewhere else. 

“You know that you can talk to me, right?” Yukhei froze. He wanted to talk to him, he could talk to him, he was right.

“I had a dream last night,” he didn’t want to tell him the reality as it would be harder to explain, “it’s been bugging me.”

“Well,” Kunhang smiled half heartedly at him, “tell me about it, I will listen.”

“Still standing in front of the door, Yukhei talked. “What if you were repeating the same day over and over again, what would you do then?”

“That’s not an odd dream, don’t you think? Maybe a show you watched had affected you.”

“Just,” Yukhei squeezed his palm, “can you just answer the question?”

“Damn, Yukhei, I would fucking do whatever I wanted.” 

“Whatever you wanted?”

“If it’s not going to be a problem by the next day, why should I even care about what happens that day? I would just go out and have some fun, I guess. Without worrying like I would normally do. Or we do, you know.”

“Yeah, you have a point,” Yukhei was still confused, but he decided to just go with what Kunhang said. “Well, I am heading out.”

“But, wouldn’t it get boring really quick?” Kunhang said behind him, “How many things could you possibly do in a day, especially if everyone else but you is going to forget it tomorrow.” 

Yukhei didn’t have a reply to that. Frankly, he couldn’t care about the answer to this question that moment. He had no power over this, if he could control it then he would. He didn’t want to think about the possibility of it getting boring because that would make everything even more depressing. He was going to go out, just like Kunhang advised. He shook his head, waving his hand to him as he left the room.

“Yukhei, wait.” Grabbing his arm, Kunhang stopped him.

Yukhei turned his back to face him. “Is there something wrong?”

“No, just.” He was staring at his feet this time, looking nervous. “I know you had a hard day and things must be overwhelming for you. But can we talk?” Yukhei raised his eyebrows. “Like, after you come back? About last night.”

Oh, Yukhei thought, of course he wanted to talk. He had probably waited for hours just to say this to him. “Of course.”

His face lightened up as he grinned. He looked adorable, except for the drool stain beside his mouth, Yukhei thought. “Go, wherever you’re going. You look terrible, though.” Checking himself on the mirror next to the entrance, Yukhei had to agree, he did look awful. With huge bags under his eyes and the very not fashionable sweatpants he was wearing, he laughed at the reflection of himself. “Don’t you want to change?”

“No, Kunhang. I honestly don’t.” Yukhei dragged himself outside.

The feeling was completely different from the time he was out the first day. It felt like bliss to have some fresh air with the sun almost setting in the back of the tall buildings around. In the chilly, beautiful summer evening he walked here and there, looking at the faces of different people. Everyday was the same for them, he felt pity, or more like he directed the pity he felt for himself towards them. They were lowly, not him, because he was in the center of this universe and they were not aware. He had the power to whatever he wanted and to get away with it. Then, why didn’t Yukhei feel like that? What did he even want to do, he asked himself, there was nothing on his mind. He checked his pockets just to realize that he didn’t bring much with, maybe enough for a few drinks. How would he order the said drinks was another question which didn’t bother to answer. Stealing didn’t even cross his mind, or maybe it did but he would still need a while in this loop to start breaking his moral values.

He increased his pace. Now the bland faces of people around him were flowing faster. He didn’t care about what they thought about him, a young man with dirty sweatpants on looking like he either had too much sleep or hadn’t slept in five days, it didn’t matter. His eyes were getting teary, Yukhei wasn’t sure if it was because of the wind he was running against or because he had started crying in public. Man, he thought, he became such a crybaby for the past few days. He sped up. He wouldn’t know how to get back to the dorm and it wouldn’t be a problem. He hadn’t told anyone but Kunhang that he would be gone, yet it wasn’t a big deal. He was almost running at this point, no idea of where he was going. Almost like running away from something that he wasn’t aware of, he ran and ran. What was he trying to get away from? He had blacked out, too bad for all the questions that were left unanswered. Could he even run away from this? There was no escape route, he was totally trapped in this situation, no matter how much he ran. Nothing was there to do, except for accepting the circumstances he was in, yet he was too scared to do that.

Until his lungs started hurting, he kept racing with time. Until his legs began to fail him, until he couldn’t possibly run any further. He had to stop, gasping so hard for air. He hadn’t shed any tears, yet his eyes were still watery. He looked around, nothing was recognizable. He didn’t know any of his surroundings. He couldn’t help but think about his way back, but he would be able to get back to the dorm if he walked straight back, probably. Why did it even matter to him if he returned or not, he asked himself, getting mad for no reason at all. Still having a hard time breathing, he sat down right there, in the middle of the street, not really giving a damn about people passing him. No doubt, they thought Yukhei was mental, not a single of them stopping to ask him if he was okay. He wasn’t, but he wouldn’t be able to tell them anyway, so Yukhei just focused on regulating his breath. 

It was lonely. Finally, he pointed the familiar feeling out, Yukhei was feeling extremely lonely. He wasn’t above all for being the subject of this time loop, he was alone for it. He teared up again, what if he cried in the middle of the street, he asked himself, nobody was going to remember it anyway. He was just a temporary memory.

It didn’t take him long to shed tears of absolute misery. In the middle of this busy road, just like a child who got lost. Finally letting his emotions out, he felt at ease, oddly calm. 

How many minutes had passed, he didn’t know, but after some time he was ready to stop this. He got himself to his feet, checked his outfit as it was now even dirtier, and he was right. He looked like a homeless person, maybe. He didn’t want to be the center of attention anymore, hence he threw himself to an alley. To his surprise, he didn’t have to walk for too long before stumbling upon a bar. He was further surprised when he found himself being able to read the signboard outside. Without thinking twice, he entered.

The place was tiny already, the lack of people didn’t stand out to Yukhei first. Probably because the bar was located in an alley, he figured, it made him feel better, though. He wanted to be left alone with his thoughts. Or maybe he did not, and he was lying to himself that he liked the emptiness inside. Not dealing with the loud noises of drunk people was a con, of course. He sat in front of the bar, the language barrier getting to him once again. Palming his forehead, he saw the barman coming his way, asking something he couldn’t understand. 

“No Japanese,” he said, still not sure if he could find the English words to get his point across. “Uh, hard. Alcohol,” he cursed at himself in a low voice.

“Chinese?”

To his surprise again, the barman actually could talk to him. Maybe he was Chinese, maybe he wasn’t so alone after all. The whole world seemed to lighten up for a second there, finding someone who could understand you was a bliss, really. Man, he thought, how lucky he was. “I want your strongest liquor.”

“You got money on you?” Oh, Yukhei thought, of course he was judging him based on his outfit. The enthusiasm was washed away. 

He took all the money he had in his pockets and placed it on top of the counter. “Give me whatever this is worth. Not in the mood to count.” The barman shrugged before turning around to prepare his drink. 

Yukhei put his head on the counter. He always liked drinking, but did he ever enjoy it when he was alone. He enjoyed it the most with his members. With his family. With Kunhang.

Kunhang, Yukhei thought. 

The liquor came in front of him. Not even smelling it before, he took a sip. He frowned with the overwhelming taste, maybe he shouldn’t have asked for the strongest. “Don’t like it?” the barman asked, looking a bit offended. Yukhei didn’t know what the big deal was, he hadn’t even put too much effort into it. 

“Don’t care about the taste.” It really didn’t matter as he was looking for an escape rather than a good time. Yukhei hoped to be intoxicated enough to forget about everything. He remembered what Kunhang said about doing whatever he wanted. Could he do that? What if he did something regrettable and the god decided to continue the timeline tomorrow? Acting like the situation wasn’t odd enough, he said no, that would be ridiculous. What did he have to lose, he asked himself, if tomorrow never came. If the loop continued, then there wouldn’t be anything to face. Just him carrying the weight of the past days that only he remembered. 

Getting back to his best friend’s suggestion, what did he even want to do? Get drunk? Go clubbing after this? To flirt with girls, sleeping with maybe one maybe too many of them? To shoplift, murder, commit suicide? He didn’t desire any of these. Some people could kill to be in his place, he wasn’t about that life though, he had never been. The alcohol started to kick in. He should enjoy this, he thought, he should do something. Looking around, he couldn’t see any girls on the scene. Fuck, he swore under his breath, he should have stepped into a more crowded bar. His glass was almost empty and his head was getting heavy. Taking another sip, he finished his drink. He watched a couple come in. They seemed to be having fun, Yukhei thought, fuck, how must it feel to be not alone in this whole world. What if this were their everyday, they were happy at the end of it. Nothing bad would come out of repeating the same day if he was enjoying himself, would it? 

The barman took long enough for Yukhei to get mad for not refilling his drink. “You should stop here.”

Fuck you, Yukhei thought, “I will drink as much as I paid for,” he said. Drinking like there was no tomorrow, literally this time. Soon came another drink in front of him. He was lonely. He downed the drink in one go. He was so lonely. Frowning as he watched the couple joke around, have fun, he put his head on the counter. They didn’t even notice Yukhei’s presence, he didn’t matter to them, he wasn’t even a temporary memory to them. His eyes were getting heavier. He wanted them open but couldn’t help it, and the next moment, he was asleep.

He woke up to the barman telling him that they were closing. His whole body was dizzy, especially his head, he didn’t know if he could get up and leave. He had to, either way, so he dragged himself up. Everything was blurry around him, no trace of the couple that made Yukhei regret all of his decisions for the past three days. He was glad that he had paid for the drinks before he got this drunk even if it felt like the barman took more than he should have. It didn’t matter, anyway, the money would be back in his pockets by morning.  
He asked the time, it was 2 AM. Yukhei found it hilarious, laughter worthy even, that how he came here four hours ago, drank for what felt like half an hour, then slept for the rest of the time. Laughing hysterically, he walked outside of the bar. 

“Talk to her,” the barman said behind his back. What did he think, that he was in a cliche movie, Yukhei wanted to ask. But he was reminded of something. He had promised to talk to Kunhang before he left.

“Her?” he asked. “He is no her.” He left the bar, having a hard time finding his balance. 

He must have slept already, he reassured himself, no way he had waited until this hour just to talk to him. At least he had run straight from the dorm, maybe the only sensible decision Yukhei had made in a while, making his drunk self easier to find the route back. 

There was nobody but drunks like him outside. The mid-august air didn’t relent, it was bitter outside, especially after alcohol started wearing off. Oh yeah, his mind was getting clearer every second. Nothing had changed after this crappy night, he couldn’t escape from anything. He was feeling more alone than ever walking back to the dorm. The kilometers long way back, dragging his yet-to-be sober body. 

The only thing he wanted to do was for tomorrow to come, and that was maybe the only thing he wouldn’t be able to do. 

Unfamiliar settings, unfamiliar faces, people throwing up in the alleys, everything around him was unpleasant. He could run, he thought, but he didn’t want to join the ones vomiting all around. He saw the time displaying in one of the shop’s signboard, it had been an hour since he started walking. His pace was getting faster, not as fast as it was that evening, though. 

Keys jingling, he was finally at their dorm. It had taken the drunk him only an hour or two to get back to the place he ran away from half an hour straight. Doing his best not to make any noise, he got inside. He didn’t want to wake anybody up, or even deal with them, as they would spend his entire time asking him questions and maybe yelling at him. He could talk to them tomorrow, if it existed, but it didn’t. He looked at his reflection at the mirror next to the entrance. He even looked more fucked up than he was before leaving the dorm. All of his clothes were in dust, he could imagine why, they were all wrinkly as well. He hadn’t realized that he drooled while sleeping, well, he thought, that was embarrassing. He wiped the corner of his mouth. Very tired, the only thing he desired to do was to go to sleep.

With his last energy, he dragged himself to the room. He didn’t expect the lights to be on, yet it was. He thought, maybe his roommate had forgotten to switch them off. He opened the door to an exhausted looking Kunhang. He froze at the entrance. “Why are you awake?”

“You told me we could speak when you came back.”

“Kunhang, I-” The words were stuck in his throat, Yukhei couldn’t bring himself to say anything more. He had forgotten, he seriously had forgotten it, by the time he remembered it was already too late, he had thought.

Kunhang stood up and approached Yukhei. “The smell-” He covered his nose. Was it that bad? “You were drinking?” Yukhei was ashamed of himself, he didn’t dare to look at the other’s face. “Since when do you like drinking alone?”

“I don’t.”

“Oh, you weren’t alone then?” Yukhei wanted to object, to tell him that he was alone, or he was never this alone before, but he didn’t dare to speak. Kunhang’s voice was so low yet so sharp at the same time. So calm, yet so hurt. “I waited for you the whole night. The whole night, Yukhei. I couldn't sleep thinking that something happened to you.” He raised his gaze to him, wishing he could tell him what had been happening to him without sounding like he was making insane excuses. “I don’t understand this, Yukhei, are you playing with me? First you kiss me, sleep next to me the whole night. Then you treat me like shit when you wake up, you go out even though you’re sick, not coming until it’s fucking 4 AM in the morning, after romising me that we could talk when you have returned. And you have been drinking the whole time? Why are you doing this to me?” His voice broke with the last sentence, he was spitting words onto Yukhei. He wanted to tell him that he didn’t mean to. That he didn’t want this. Only if he could tell him what’s wrong. “What’s going on?” He wouldn’t be able to.

“I am sorry,” Yukhei said, voice so low he didn’t know how Kunhang had heard him.

“That doesn’t mean anything to me. It doesn’t explain anything. Please talk to me, tell me what’s wrong. We’re in fucking Japan, how did you even find someone to drink with? Do you know that we could drink together if you simply asked me to? We literally do everything together, then how come you start acting weird after last night? Is it my fault that you kissed me?”

It wasn’t. “No, it’s not.”

“Why did you even do it?”

“It was a mistake.” 

Kunhang’s eyes went wide open, almost as if he expected another answer. Kunhang was never as dramatic as Yukhei, staying calmer than anyone else would do during this argument, yet this managed to piss him off. Yukhei didn’t understand, but he didn’t dare to ask. He turned around, sat on his bed, hands on his forehead. “A mistake, you say.”

“You are my best friend,” Yukhei cried as he got on his knees in front of Kunhang, “I wouldn’t change that for anything.” 

The hurt obvious in his eyes, Kunhang looked down at him. “I don’t want to be your best friend.”

Fuck, Yukhei thought, as a panic wave wrapped its hands around him. His chest got tight again, felt sick in the stomach. He wasn’t about to lose him. Unaware, he grabbed Kunhang’s hands. “Don’t do this to me Kunhang, please, you mean the world to me.” For the nth time today he was tearing up. “I don’t want to lose you.”

With an unreadable expression, Kunhang searched Yukhei’s face, so did Yukhei. He looked even more exhausted than before, Yukhei had himself to blame. Kunhang took a couple of seconds to analyze him, then opened his mouth, almost sounding amused. “Yukhei, you’re a very smart person but fuck, are you not acting stupid as hell right now.”

Huh, Yukhei thought, he was about to ask what he meant but the same sensation again, he was pulled back and thrown to his bed, his whole body shaken with the force he wouldn’t figure out where it came from. It was 5 AM. He looked at the other bed. Kunhang was sleeping, peacefully, as he did yesterday, the way he left him.

Yukhei pulled the blankets over his body, suddenly he felt so cold. All this time he had thought the time loop wouldn’t have any consequences, but he was wrong. The impact of the past three days was weighing on him, almost crushing his soul. The impact of his wrong doings would never wash off of him, this was the real consequence, the one inside. 

He turned his back to the other bed, not finding courage to sleep looking at his face, not after he had hurt him like that. He wasn’t hurt obviously, he was sleeping like an angel, unaware of anything, but Yukhei had realized that he had the potential to hurt him, a lot, and that scared him. He didn’t deserve Kunhang, he thought, he deserved this hell of a loop because he was such an awful human being. If he wasn’t feeling so bad, he would probably be amazed by how this situation affected his body as all his tipsiness was gone with seconds. Even his body didn’t recognize, he thought, only his consciousness was aware. He was truly alone. He closed his eyes, hoping to forget about this awful nightmare by the time he woke up. 

He opened his eyes. Eyelids still heavy, he checked the watch beside his bed. Kunhang was gone but it was still early, so he went back to sleep.

He opened his eyes, not feeling any less tired. He checked the time, it was noon, he couldn’t find the strength to get up. Maybe if he slept the whole day, he would wake up to a new one. He heard someone in the room, but didn’t bother to turn around and confirm who he was, so he went back to sleep, trying to run away from reality, again. 

He lost count of how many times he woke up just to drop asleep the next minute. If he gave himself enough time to wake up, he would probably find the situation extremely depressing. He had never been this way before but, well, he was stuck, anyway. 

He woke up to someone poking him. It was Kunhang, of course.

“Yukhei,” what a beautiful sound, Yukhei thought, it sounded like bliss when Kunhang wasn’t upset. Yukhei turned around, what a beautiful face he had. Suddenly Yukhei felt better, he was glad that it was him going through this and not his loved ones, like Kunhang. Yukhei knew he was stronger than him, so much stronger when it came to handling emotions. But he was glad nevertheless.

“Hi,” he said, voice raspy after all that crying, probably.

“Hey.” Kunhang smiled at him. Yukhei realized with how much love in his eyes he looked at him. He was sure one of a kind, a kind that Yukhei never wanted to hurt once more. He might not remember it, he thought, but Yukhei wouldn’t be able to live with the burden of hurting Kunhang multiple times and getting away with it, it felt sinister, it felt so wrong. “Is everything alright?” he asked lovingly, “You slept the whole day and haven’t eaten anything.”

“No, it’s not.” Yukhei was sick of avoiding the topic. “Nothing is alright.” Fighting the urge to cry, he put his hands all over his face so the other wouldn’t see him. Feeling like a ticking bomb finally exploding, he let out a sob.

He heard something shift and he felt Kunhang’s warmness next to him. “Yukhei, let me see you.” He slowly took his hands away from his face, sliding them slowly. Kunhang reached to wipe a tear from Yukhei’s face, he wasn’t expecting it, as soon as his thumb touched his face, Yukhei winced again, pulling Kunhang’s hand away from him with a reflex. He didn’t want to, really, he regretted it immediately.

“Sorry,” he said, letting go of Kunhang’s hand. 

He continued to wipe it anyway. “It’s okay, you must be surprised.” Did Yukhei deserve him, deserve his loving words and friendship, he asked himself, after repeatedly hurting him? “Talk to me.” 

“I feel so alone, Kunhang.”

“Missing family?”

“No,” Yukhei didn’t know how to answer. “Yes. Maybe. But it’s not just that. I am going through something.” Kunhang raised his eyebrows. “Please don’t ask because I wouldn’t be able to tell you, but I feel invisible. Even if I managed to tell someone about it, nobody would believe me or would they care the next day. I am so alone because I will be the only one dealing with this, how long it takes. I can never get help but no one would know how to help. I tried to wing it, to act like this was an opportunity to do whatever, but it didn’t work. That’s not who I am, never was. I am very tired, it’s been just a couple of days but it feels like years already. I just want to get out.”

“I don’t know what changed since yesterday,” Kunhang shook his head, “but we can get out.”

“What do you mean?”

“Whenever I feel like I came to a dead end, I tend to just escape. You never saw this side of me because I never felt this way around you, not once.” Yukhei wanted to throw up but managed to keep himself still. “Let’s get out, leave this place for a few hours. What could possibly go wrong?”

He was right, Yukhei thought, nothing could go wrong. “Let’s do it.” 

“Yeah?” Kunhang asked, his eyes lightening up. Wow, Yukhei thought, seeing him smile this bright was a blessing. He felt his heart skip a beat and didn't understand the reason, maybe it was because he was excited and hopeful for once. “Let me do your makeup?”

Yukhei laughed at the request. “We don’t need makeup.” 

“What if we get recognized outside?”

“Believe me, we won’t. Also, the sun is setting. Let’s just-” Yukhei got up, too enthusiastic for his body which hadn’t seen the face of food for an entire day, “go out.”

Kunhang also got up, trying to match Yukhei’s excitement. “Yeah!” he exclaimed, with an adorable frown on his face, Yukhei’s thoughts, he was a bit confused but still there with him. “Let’s go get some food in you first.”

“Great idea.”

And just like that, they left the apartment, letting the others know too because why not. Yukhei didn’t want to waste his time with Kunhang by getting yelled at when they got back. 

Kunhang asked what time it was, the answer was 9 PM. Yukhei found it interesting how even though he was the center of this loop, he was following a pattern as it was the same time he had got out yesterday. Kunhang told him that it was chilly, yes it was, Yukhei had warned him about this, yet he hadn’t listened. Instead, he took the opportunity to take his arm into his. Fun, Yukhei thought, not wincing from his touch and actually enjoying his company. They were out to have fun, as two best friends, trying to find somewhere to eat. 

Kunhang stopped suddenly and looked at Yukhei with anticipation. “I just had a great idea.” He pointed out somewhere.

A movie theatre, frankly Yukhei had expected to see a restaurant there. “I thought we would eat first.”

“But it’s already late in the evening. They probably have one more movie to play before they close for the night.”

Yukhei laughed at his ridiculous request. “So you would rather have me starving for a movie that you can’t even understand.”

“First of all-” Kunhang pointed his finger above. “You’re rude. I know Japanese very well.” No, he didn’t, but Yukhei let it slide because he was adorable. “Second, I didn’t bring this backpack for no reason.” He was aiming his words at Yukhei who had made fun of him for bringing a backpack for no reason. “Let’s just grab whatever you want to eat and eat it inside.”

Yukhei’s face lit up with the request as it was brilliant. Kunhang was the type to talk a lot when out, he was afraid he would ask him too many questions and he would have to say no to him, hence this was all Yukhei could ask for. He just wanted a distraction, not to be reminded. “You’re really my best friend, aren’t you?”

Kunhang turned his head with a grin on his face. “Yeah, am I?” 

Of course he was, so Yukhei just laughed the question off. Instead he caressed his cheek with his free hand. He didn’t think too much of it, because he was over that phase where he was awkward with him, he believed that Kunhang didn’t either. “Let’s do this.”

“Let’s do this.” 

They got food, he didn’t know what to order so Kunhang ordered for the both of them, making him feel bad for making fun of his language skills. He was so smart, Yukhei thought. They stuffed all of it into his backpack, he was sure the burgers were getting all mushed but it didn’t matter as Yukhei was starving. Deciding that it would be better to get drinks, not risking it spilling onto the already mushed burgers and Kunhang’s expensive backpack, they went to the theatre. As amazing as it was for Yukhei, he watched Kunhang get some tickets for them as well.

“It seems like a boring romance from the poster, so nobody should be inside.” This was the only movie they were showing in the theatre at this late hour. Frankly, Yukhei didn’t care, he was just here to eat and enjoy his time with Kunhang. They got in the saloon a few minutes earlier than they should, and as Kunhang promised, there was no one in there except for them. They waited for the lights to switch off before taking all of the food out.

It was truly an experience, watching a movie in a language you don’t understand but still managing to get the plot since it was so cliché. Yukhei couldn’t enjoy his time more, though, Kunhang watching the movie in full focus to prove to Yukhei that he can understand Japanese, Yukhei watching Kunhang because why not, sharing food from time to time. Of course, the movie got very boring really quick for the both of them, but it wasn’t boring being together. Together, Yukhei thought, they were together, against all odds. 

After they finished their meals and Yukhei got comfortable with the amount of food he could get inside, he felt a bit sleepy. Looking at his friend to see how he was holding, he saw him almost asleep. “So you say you understand this movie?” He said it to his ear so he could hear it.

Kunhang giggled, what a beautiful sight, Yukhei thought, under the low light of the movie in front of them. “I said I could understand it. I didn’t say it was entertaining.”

“We still have an hour of this.”

Kunhang groaned. “Then I am legally allowed to do this,” he said, putting his head on Yukhei’s shoulder.

“Legally?” Yukhei asked.

“Yes, legally.”

“Does it say in the law?”

“Yes, it says ‘Put your head onto Yukhei’s shoulder if you still have an hour left of this boring movie and sleep there.’ Only I am allowed to do it, though.”

“So only you’re allowed to put your head on my shoulder even if I went to the theatre with someone else?”

“Why are you even going to the theatre to watch a boring romance with someone different than me?”

“Good point. I wouldn’t do that to you.” Kunhang chuckled to this, getting more comfortable. It was almost like he was meant to be there, so comfortable, so warm. Yukhei also put his head on top of Kunhang’s, making him laugh a bit more. He was so giggly tonight, how happy it was making Yukhei. Nothing like the times he had made him upset. Yukhei shook his head, making the other whimper, he wasn’t going to think about this tonight. He was just going to distract himself. His head was heavy, eyes were still open. The guy was kissing the girl. He closed his eyes. He opened them, the girl was crying for whatever reason. He closed his eyes, again. He only heard the dramatic music in the background, he also could feel Kunhang’s now regulated breathing. He must be asleep, Yukhei thought. He opened his eyes once more, he could only see a shot of the ocean. Then, nothing.

Yukhei woke up to someone speaking in front of them, rubbing his eyes, he didn’t understand anything so he woke Kunhang up. “He’s saying something.”

Kunhang listened to the man. “I think they are closing.” Yukhei made an okay sign to let him know that they would be leaving soon. Kunhang stretched his arms. “Best movie I’ve ever seen.” 

Yukhei laughed at him and his now messed up hair. “You slept well there.”

“No, you slept well, Yukhei,” he laughed, “I was awake very early and you woke up twelve hours after me and continued to sleep here.”

“Unlike your genius self, I can’t really understand Japanese. And this movie meant nothing to me.”

As they gathered all of their stuff before leaving, Kunhang teased him. “Wow, nothing? Not even a little bit of meaning to you?”

“Well, it may have some value.”

Kunhang giggled as they left the saloon. “That’s what I thought.” 

Wow, Yukhei thought, he was so fun to be around. “Now we do what?”

“We should get back to the dorms, shouldn’t we.”

“I mean, we should,” Yukhei said, he didn’t want to let this night end. “But what if I don’t want to?”

“Yukhei, we have a big day tomorrow. This isn’t a vacation, we are here to do our job.”

He didn’t know how to explain it to him, how tomorrow wasn’t going to come, but he found himself begging instead. “Please, you can always borrow my shoulder tomorrow if you need it.”

Brows frowned, Kunhang took a deep breath, acting all bothered by Yukhei’s request, but he knew he had convinced him. “The things I have to endure just because I love you so much.”

Something shifted inside Yukhei, he didn’t know was happening but he didn’t like it. He was happy, not feeling alone for once, yet why was his heart aching? He decided to wing it, he didn’t want to ruin his night with Kunhang which was going surprisingly well.

Now cold midnight air piercing through their clothings, they went outside. Nothing was left to do because of the late hour, and after yesterday, Yukhei didn’t think drinking was a good idea. So, they decided to get in a supermarket, to spend a little time together there. Yukhei had no worries because every moment he spent with Kunhang was fun, always, no matter the setting. He had a unique talent of making everything he touched special. Every little product he held in his hands just to drop it back to the shelf, the next person to buy it or even touch it was very lucky. So, it wasn’t important where they passed their time, it was who he was with. And as long as he was with Kunhang, every date was memorable and special. Date, Yukhei asked himself, is that what they call this? 

Yukhei’s fun was watching Kunhang run around doing absolutely nothing in particular. He shared his concerns about looking puffy tomorrow, but Yukhei told him that he would look good as always. 

Kunhang stopped in front of the pet foods section, taking a look at them for a while. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Definitely. We should adopt a dog.”

Kunhang laughed at him, eyes still on the shelves. “I was thinking maybe a cat.”

“Then how come you like me?” Huh, Yukhei thought. “Meow.” Oh god, what was happening, ‘Get a grip, pull yourself together,’ he said to himself. “It’s not fun if you don’t have a reaction to me meowing.” 

“Just-” Yukhei laughed it off. “You leave me speechless.”

“I am special, remember?” He winked. Yes, he was, Yukhei thought, working extra hard to take him out of his mind. Doing his best, at least.

They spent almost an hour running around, eating junk food, looking at shelves and speaking about stuff that didn’t matter, yet it was the most alive Yukhei had felt in days. With Kunhang telling him that he was getting tired, they decided to head back. “I will lean on you while walking and you won’t say anything. You owe me that.”

Yukhei laughed at him. “And why is that?”

“You’re responsible for how exhausted I am.”

“Good point.” Yukhei let Kunhang lean on him, almost all of his weight on him, yet he didn’t dare complain. There had been a few instances where he had to carry him, mostly drunk, he didn’t weigh a thing.

“You’re wrong,” he said suddenly, surprising Yukhei. “You’re wrong, Yukhei. You’re not alone. We care.” Oh, Yukhei thought, maybe he wasn’t. “A family, remember? We always care about each other. You don’t need to go through anything alone because we will always care.”

Of course, he didn’t know about Yukhei’s position, how would he know? This was so unusual, so out of the ordinary, you would never think this could happen to someone, but it did. Yet, Yukhei was going to let his words get to his head for one night as tonight for him to get distracted. And, he would let it get to his head tomorrow too, as tomorrow was to make it up to Kunhang for treating him badly. And the other day, the day after that, he wasn’t going to let it ruin, whatever it was. He had had an amazing night, thanks to him, he wasn’t feeling alone, he was going to repay him by spending the next few days doing stuff to make Kunhang happy. “Thank you.”

“Don’t mind it, Xuxi. I am yours for a reason.” Yukhei felt so many things at once, confusion to whatever that meant was one of them, he couldn’t name the others, though. “Also, I plan to just go to bed as soon as we arrive, but can we talk tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” Yukhei took a deep breath. “Tomorrow.”

True to his words, he went to sleep immediately after greeting the others. Yukhei, also went to bed, not being able to sleep that quickly. He watched Kunhang’s calm face, thinking about how much he wanted to see him as happy as he was tonight more. It took him a while to sleep, also with the anticipation of what he planned for tomorrow, but he slept dozed off nevertheless.

He woke up at noon again, following the same pattern unconsciously. He knew tomorrow hadn’t come, but it sure felt like it after spending such a great time with Kunhang yesterday. He felt like he was fresh, not the slob that he was before, a new man. It wasn’t a new day, but did it really matter? If he had everyday the same to do different stuff with Kunhang, he could go through just fine, he thought. He didn’t take a long time to get up, he just took himself to the kitchen where he knew he would find Kunhang. “Good morning,” he said.

“Good morning,” Yukhei answered, smiling at him. Kunhang raised his eyebrows, searching Yukhei’s face, then he seemed to be relaxed. “Had a good night’s sleep?” Yukhei asked.

“No, I did not,” Kunhang said sarcastically. “I was using someone in particular as my pillow but then he decided to leave my side in the middle of the night.”

“Well, he sounds like an asshole,” Yukhei let out a chuckle. “Maybe you should reconsider your best friend choices.”

“Maybe I should,” he said, laughing with Yukhei. What a beautiful sound, Yukhei thought, his laughter. “You’re in a good mood today.”

Yukhei stared at him, girrining. “Want to go out in the evening?” Kunhang raised one of his eyebrows, seeming surprised, but Yukhei didn’t find resistance on his face. “Remember that park we saw on your way from the airport?”

“The one with the lake?”

Yukhei nodded. “Why don’t we go there-” He got closer to Kunhang. “And have fun? We don’t have anything else to do for the rest of the day.”

“That doesn’t sound like you, Yukhei, you don’t like doing anything without planning.”

“Oh believe me,” Yukhei said, “I had plenty of time to plan this. It would be fun to cook as well.”

Kunhang laughed at the request, his shoulders raising up. Yukhei loved when he did that. “We both don’t know how to cook.”

“Is this a no?”

“No, it’s not.” He looked directly at Yukhei’s eyes. “I am just surprised that-” He didn’t continue.

“Surprised at what?” 

Kunhang brushed it off with a hand gesture. “Nevermind.”

“So, this is a yes?”

“Yes, but we are not going to cook.” Yukhei was so happy, not understanding why. This was just a picnic date with his best brother, and yes, he had decided to call them dates as that was what it was, his closest friend. 

He had pondered about what they could do today, no need to remind that all of his ideas were with Kunhang, but this seemed to be the best one of them. He felt bad for his members, just making plans with Kunhang instead of all of them, but special treatment for a special man, he thought. 

What was so distinct about Kunhang, he asked himself. Whatever he wanted to do he would be there for him. Whenever he was going to sleep, his presence would ease his worries. He was there for emotional support, as a company, as a friend, a family, he was always there. Maybe it was the language, he thought, getting to speak in their mother tongue on every occasion made them connect more. The way they talked, had fun together, always reminded Yukhei of home. He was home, Yukhei decided, Kunhang was his home, that was the reason. 

“Let’s just try, what could possibly happen?” They could burn down the dorm. It was a temporary one before they moved on to other cities in Japan, so it would be a bummer to burn it down, but Yukhei knew it wouldn’t have consequences the other day, he had no worries. He wouldn’t want to eat burnt food, yet he still wanted to try. 

Plying between the sections, they circled inside the market. “You didn’t ask about the others.”

“Aren’t they having breakfast somewhere?”

Kunhang raised his eyebrows. “How do you know that?”

Oh, Yukhei thought, maybe he should think a bit more before speaking. “It was a guess. They weren’t around, so. Did you wait for me?”

Yukhei knew the answer but, “No, I did not.” Liar, he thought, finding him endearing. “I wasn’t hungry.” He was, knowing all these answers Yukhei thought he was cheating his way through life, not really though.

They didn’t know what to do or what to cook, at all. Without a clue, they had come here just to stare at the shelves. Yukhei found it hilarious, Kunhang did not as he was a bit panicked. They couldn’t possibly ask for advice because, well, they hadn’t got their phones yet. 

Deciding that they looked idiotic standing in the vegetables section without doing nothing, they started to move on. That was when they realized the Japanese markets had lots of prepped foods in their markets, even more than Korea had. Kunhang’s panic was resolved, also even though he had lied about not being hungry, he was very happy to see food that he could eat right away. Yukhei found his anticipation lovely, he was probably starving and all of the food looked tasty.

First, they bought a picnic basket because why not. Yukhei was a romantic guy, taking his best friend on a date near a lake, and he felt like having a basket would match the ambiance. They also got more food than they could stuff themselves with in a single meal because they knew the others would be furious to learn that they didn’t buy them anything. Sandwiches, cakes and wine, and a piece of cloth to sit on top of, and they were ready to go. 

Was it normal to be this excited about this, Yukhei asked himself, maybe it wasn’t but he didn’t think about it too much. He was excited, and whenever he was, Kunhang would match up to his enthusiasm. He was always so supportive of everything Yukhei was passionate about. Even once he had hyped him about having a caterpillar that he found in the company’s garden as a pet so much, Yukhei had cried for hours when it died before getting it to the dorm. He was that nice to him, which Yukhei was so grateful about. Everyday he would find more stuff to be grateful of his existence and more stuff that just made him unbelievably lovely. He was so lovely, Yukhei thought, so full of love and so open to receiving love. Yukhei adored him, he really did, maybe that was why he wouldn’t regret spending the same day again and again with him. Even though he was the only one aware, everyday would feel different with him because he was such a versatile human. As Yukhei would evolve everyday, he would too because he would have many different things to say everytime Yukhei asked him anything. Beautiful, Yukhei thought, he was a genius, he wasn’t like anyone else he knew. What were all these thoughts, he asked himself, did Yukhei think this much every time they hang out or was it a new thing? Never was it that deep to hang out with him, but maybe it was the unusual circumstances that Yukhei had to endure was making him emotional.

Yukhei had no worries, though. Nothing mattered except for that moment and for that moment, he was with Kunhang. With a giggly, happy Kunhang. 

They paid for everything, almost running out of money, then got back to the dorm to find everyone else there. Distributing the food and keeping some of it to themselves, they started to get ready. Yukhei at first didn’t want to wear anything fancy, but then said hell, what was he afraid of. Also, Kunhang had offered him to do his makeup, how could he say no. 

“You have the perfect skin Yukhei, you know that right?” Kunhang said, applying whatever onto it. He was always better at makeup as he was also prettier. 

“I didn’t know that.” He knew, but he really liked it when Kunhang complimented him. “Tell me more. What else is perfect?”

Kunhang laughed at him without losing focus on the task. “Perfect eyes. Not the shape or anything, the way you look at everything is so beautiful, it makes me admire them.” Yukhei closed his eyes so he could apply eyeshadow. “Your hair is also very soft, I love it when you let me play with it.”

“You know, I’ve bleached it before.”

“It’s not even obvious. I’m sure it looked amazing on you, but this is also perfect.” Yukhei opened his eyes, looking directly at Kunhang’s, almost challenging him. “Oh, you want me to continue? You just like being complimented, don’t you.” Yukhei shrugged. “Okay then, you have the perfect skin tone, so tanned and beautiful, the perfect nose, the perfect lips-” Kunhang froze mid air, with a brush on his hand. Oh, Yukhei thought, he had forgotten. They both cleared their throats at the same time, deepening the tension between them. Kunhang was the first to break the silence. “Nevermind.”

“I know that you’re exaggerating it, but thank you. I am as beautiful as you, I guess.” Kunhang took a quick look at him, backing away right after. “You’re done?”

“Yeah, wear something fancy or it will look stupid with your everyday sweatpants.” 

“I don’t wear sweatpants everyday.”

Kunhang let an overstressed laugh out. “Believe me, you do. Now get up so I can get my makeup done.” Yukhei stood up from the chair, leaving the place for the other one. 

He looked so cute, he thought, sitting there, focused. So small beneath Yukhei, yet so determined. He couldn’t help himself from petting his hair. “Meow,” Kunhang said, making Yukhei flushed from head to toe. Why did he keep doing that, he asked himself, and why did he lose himself everytime? Such a stupid thing to say to being petted, Yukhei thought, stupid and overwhelmingly cute.

“Don’t do something too much, you already outshine me.” What was with the compliments flying around, he wondered, were they like this before? Is this what best friends do, meow at each other and talk about how handsome the other was? Their usual dynamic wasn’t like this, but that didn’t mean Yukhei wasn’t enjoying it. Everyone looked happy, it was so positive and healthy. The only problem was keeping Kunhanf away from talking about the kiss as it was just a mistake Yukhei wanted to leave behind. He was delighted to see that it didn’t get between their friendship like the first days. What he had learned from those days was that talking about it only made it worse. So, he didn’t want to talk about it. He would have a good time with Kunhang and finish this day without hurting him. Weird he found it, yet he was trusting himself with this. He had fucked up a couple of times, yes, but it was going great for the time being. 

He still didn’t know why he was stuck in this loop, or what triggered it. He hadn’t even tried looking it up on the internet, first because he didn’t have access to it, and second because he guessed that he wouldn’t find any valuable information. Even after going through it, he didn’t believe anyone was ever in the same position as him. And Yukhei knew that Kunhang wouldn’t believe him if he told the truth. What a ridiculous situation with no way to get out, he thought, though he wasn’t as depressed as before.

He opened his suitcase for the second time since they had come here. There wasn’t a lot in it as most of their clothes were with their stylists. And of course, Yukhei wasn’t the type to carry around a lot of clothes, he just had a few, he just knew how to make them work every time he wore them. He had a fat closet, sure, him and Kunhang loved going shopping together and they also had an expensive taste, yet Yukhei liked most of them in his closet, where they belonged, only out on special occasions. Maybe this was a special occasion, he thought, so he took out his fanciest shirt that he knew would surprise Kunhang. He wanted to look good tonight, not that it mattered, but he wished to impress someone, maybe.

Kunhang had also chosen something fancy. They seemed like they would go to an expensive restaurant and pay a fortune for the dinner, but that wasn’t the case. Yukhei could bet they would look out of place when they arrived, also maybe an important note, they still didn’t know if it was allowed to have a picnic near the lake, but Yukhei didn’t think too much about it. A chase scene caused by the security would only make it more fun.

They took the cab, struggling to describe the place. Thank god the driver managed to understand where they were headed with just the words “park” and “lake”. The ride was piercingly quiet, because of the driver, Yukhei guessed, as he had judged them overall, but the silent giggles of Kunhang as he threw glances at Yukhei was still so fun. It didn’t take more than 10 minutes to get there, anyway, and it was enjoyable to watch the busy streets with Kunhang. It was fascinating here, Yukhei thought, maybe he should take Kunhang to the city. The night was colorful, the reflection was hitting on the other’s face. Yukhei wished he could have it. He wished he could have him pictured. 

Parks were always peaceful, but Yukhei found it hard to visit them after he became famous. The place was as breathtaking as Yukhei had anticipated it. “This is the best idea you had in a while, Yukhei,” said Kunhang. “But we look like we had escaped our wedding to have a crappy picnic besides a small lake.”

“Our wedding?”

“Oh, you know.” He shrugged. “Could be someone else’s wedding too.”

Yukhei laughed. “I didn’t know people wore designer clothes to weddings.”

“Way to brag about your designer clothes!” He was so funny, Yukhei thought, he was so fun to be around, he couldn’t stop smiling. Never in his life did he do something like this, he asked himself, he was glad to experience it with Kunhang.

They got settled on a cute place near the lake, prepared their food, cheap wine, checked around to see if there was any security opposing what they were doing. Yukhei was ashamed to admit that he got the idea from the movie they watched yesterday, but at least he didn’t have to deal with Kunhang making fun of him for it. 

“I know we had, what, five of these sandwiches back in the dorm but it tastes so much better here,” said Kunhang. 

Yukhei had to agree. “It’s almost like whatever we eat in these clothes will feel gourmet.”

Kunhang laughed at the comment while pouring wine to Yukhei’s glass. “You know what,” he said, “when I woke up this morning, I would never guess we would be doing this by the evening.” He took a sip, eyes on the depths of the lake. “I thought you would be mad at me.”

“Why would I be mad at you?”

Kunhang shook his head, dismissing the question.

The night went on, talking about nonsense and drinking and eating and playing little games that were not that significant to mention. The more time passed, the more confused it made Yukhei. So, he had shared what was going on with Kunhang, what could he lose. To his surprise, Kunhang was loving as always, Yukhei didn’t know he believed him but even if he didn’t, he listened to him with full focus. Yukhei once again felt so lucky to have him beside him.

“I feel selfish,” he said. They were stargazing at this point. “I used to feel alone but right now I just feel selfish, and I don't think there is anything I can do to prevent that. I was so happy tonight, last night too, I thought finally I could get used to living like this but I don’t want to make these memories and only remember it myself. I want you to remember. Last night, tonight, I want you to remember all of them. Memories are only valuable when you age with them. If I can’t move on from this moment, and you can’t remember it the next day, what’s the point of this night? It feels like a nightmare that cornered me, there is no way out even if I am enjoying my time.” He turned his head to Kunhang to realize that he was watching him instead of the stars. “I am having a great time with you, I’ve been having a great time with you. I just wish you could keep them as well.”

“You’re not selfish for there is nothing that you can do about it.” Yukhei raised his eyebrows. “But I think you’re a coward. All these must be happening because of a reason, because you’re running away from something that has been bothering you. You can’t move on until you face that.”

“I don’t know what I should be facing, Kunhang.”

“Then I am glad this is happening to you. Now you have enough time to find what it is.” He was looking at Yukhei with the loving eyes he always had. Oh, he thought, how safe those eyes would always make him feel. “I know it’s been hard but this is an opportunity given to you. You don’t know what it is because maybe it wasn’t intentional. Now, you have enough time to figure that out. Also, you know how I will react if you tell me about this tomorrow. You have nothing to worry about, because I will listen.”

Yukhei stared at him, taking his time as he had nothing left to say to him. Low moonlight, his calming presence, reassuring words was all Yukhei could ask for. “You can rest your head on my chest if you want.”

“I would love that.” Yukhei knew Kunhang could hear how fast his heart was beating even though he was calm, but it was okay. 

“Is there something you would like to do tomorrow?”

Kunhnag hummed. “We don’t have enough time to travel around before we move onto Tokyo.”

“So, you want a tour?”

“Or just to walk around in the city. The whole day. I was pretty bummed about not getting to see Osaka.”

“Then we will do that tomorrow.” Yukhei let out a deep sigh. “You won’t remember it, but-”

“That’s okay.” Kunhang shifted his head to look at Yukhei. “You can always tell me about our memories after it’s all over. And we will visit it again.”

“Yeah.” Yukhei smiled at him. “Let’s sleep here tonight.”

“Wouldn’t we get in trouble.”

“No, we wouldn’t.” Yukhei chuckled, closing his eyes. “Sleeping at a park in the middle of the city, what a reason to get arrested.”

“I wasn’t thinking of getting arrested but now I do,” Kunhang said sarcastically.

“If tomorrow comes I will tell everyone it was my idea and you were just too naive to listen to me.”

Kunhang got more comfortable on Yukhei’s chest. “Okay, I trust you.”

And just like that, they fell asleep. Nobody seemed to bother them as well, though Yukhei woke up once to find Kunhang even closer to him than he was before. He wasn’t on his chest anymore, sleeping right next to him instead. Yukhei thought they were too close, but it was doing no harm, so he didn’t mind. He took a good look at his exceptionally beautiful face, did he not look calm while sleeping. Yukhei brushed his hair to the side as it was in front of his closed eyes, making the man in front of him quivel and open his eyes. They stared at each other, enjoying a comfortable silence. How long did it last, Yukhei didn’t know, but he knew that it was enough.

Yukhei tried to wake up early the next day, not succeeding in the end as he was tired all the time. He didn’t complain though, he had all the time in the world.

He was taking Kunhang out for a walk in the city, a long one, as he promised. Seeing him today, not aware of the time they spent yesterday, was going to hurt of course, yet Yukhei was more than thrilled to make his wish happen. They had some plans yesterday, well, sort of, since they didn’t have their phones or anything, they just decided on getting the travel guide that they saw in the supermarket. So Yukhei got up, very excited, got dressed all nice and headed out to the kitchen where he knew he would find Kunhang. 

“Good morning,” he said.

“Good morning,” Yukhei replied, he couldn’t help but to leave a small kiss on his cheek as he was so excited. What had gotten into him, he asked himself, but he didn’t have any place for questions today.

“What’s gotten into you?” Kunhang also asked, a bit taken aback yet giggly.

“It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?” The other was still surprised, so he just nodded with a confused smile on his face. “Get ready, we are leaving in twenty.”

Kunhang let out a chuckle as he thought he was joking. “Wait, are you serious?” Yukhei nodded, maybe too enthusiastically. “Where are we going?”

“Well, I don’t have a clue, but you know those tour guide thingies? We are going to get one of them and we will take a walk for approximately eight hours at the city center.”

“And why exactly did you think this was a good idea, right after we landed?”

“I talked to a friend-” Yukhei winked at him. “In my dream. He told me you were really upset that we couldn’t get to see Osaka.” 

“Oh,” Kunhang said, “well, he was right. How did he know that?”

“He was you, idiot. You told me, that’s how I know that.” Kunhang shook his head, lips open part way, trying to make sense into him but there was no logic in Yukhei’s face, just anticipation. “Go get ready, we leave in fifteen minutes.”

“A polaroid camera?” Kunhang asked him. “Why do you need that for?”

“I want to take your pictures.” He knew he wouldn’t have them tomorrow. It hurted to know that as well, yet he wanted to feel like this was real. If he could have these memories at least until five in the morning, how great would it be, he thought. 

“Did you think this through? It’s expensive.”

“Believe me, Kunhang, I had thought about this long enough.” 

As soon as he took the thing out of its box, he took a picture of Kunhang. Everything looked better in polaroids, not him though, he looked better in real life. It was no surprise that the photos turned out well, it was because they were of Kunhang’s.

Maybe he was right, Yukhei thought as they were headed to the city, it was really expensive and they didn’t have much money left. But it was okay, as they were riding the train to get there, so they looked at the guide, finding out the perfect route that didn’t require spending any money except for food. And food expenses were reduced to the least as they ate their sandwiches on their way there. They would still buy something to remember the city with, he knew Kunhang would be interested in a lot of the stuff they would see on their visit, but they had nothing to worry for. Yukhei was going to make sure Kunhang’s trip would go well.

And it did. Kunhang was in awe the whole time, and Yukhei was always there to take his pictures. He found it quite hilarious actually, how Kunhang gasped every time seeing something excited, without a miss. He would grab Yukhei’s arm, drag him to wherever, walk tangled around him, and talk about nonsense just for it to be cut with a gasp. “Somebody could mistake us for boyfriends,” he had said once, which Yukhei had shrugged off. Why did it even matter what their name was, Yukhei didn’t care about that, his only worry and joy was Kunhang and today was about his satisfaction and his satisfaction only. 

They walked for hours and hours, without Kunhang ever getting tired or bored. Yukhei was glad he had brought his backpack with him, getting to carry all the small stuff Kunhang bought would be a pain in the arse. The only complaint Yukhei had was why the other was wasting their limited money on mangas he already owned. It was easier for Kunhang to understand it in Chinese, they already had these in their room already, then why, Yukhei asked. The other mumbled about ‘authenticity’ and ‘how valuable having the original was’ and kept spending money on them. 

It was a great thing to see Kunhang happy, Yukhei thought, it was so fun to see his eyes shine, sparkle, him being all giggly and happy. He had such a positive mood that he carried with him every time he was happy, it was alarmingly contagious, he would make the environment around him such a happy place. Yukhei adored him. Yukhei adored him so much his heart ached everytime he looked at him, with adoration and sadness. He couldn’t help but feel bad for the other, for he won’t be able to remember the great day he had. 

Yukhei was having fun, of course, he enjoyed every bit of the day, but the day was about Kunhang, then why didn’t it feel like that? He reminded himself of the conversation he had with the other every time he felt this way, how Kunhang had said it was okay and one day Yukhei would tell all about him, but did it really make it okay? “Is there anything wrong? You look sad,” the other asked while they were walking to their final destination. 

Yukhei shook himself off, he didn’t want to make it about himself, or worry the other and make him overthink about this. “Well, you have the adrenalin that you don’t seem to run low off, but I get tired sometimes after walking seven hours.”

Kunhang gave him the most genuine laugh, which Yukhei was also so fond of, and lightly punched him on the arm. “This was our idea.”

“Yes, and I may or may not be regretting this.” He didn’t.

“Alright, boy, I seem to know what your problem is.”

“And what’s that?” Yukhei asked, raising his eyebrows and smiling at the other.

“You are hungry and you’re trying to make me pay for the food.”

“We had combined our budget this morning. It’s our money.”

“You don’t have to ruin everything, Yukhei,” said Kunhang, in such a serious tone Yukhei for a second thought he was serious, but he wasn’t as he started to laugh at Yukhei’s terrified impression.

“Fuck off,” Yukhei joined him, “do whatever you want.” Even if he acted like he was upset, he wasn’t, Yukhei didn’t complain when Kunhang ordered food because he knew his taste well. 

They sat down somewhere, a street restaurant which was included in the guide so they knew it was going to blow their minds. It would be nice to write ‘they ate their foods in silence’, but no they didn’t, they were a respectable amount of loud the whole time. Trying each other’s food, Kunhang ordering more, analyzing their surroundings as it was very authentic and quite mesmerizing, watching the news as if it meant anything to them. Well, it did actually, since Kunhang was so amazed by the firework festival he saw on it. “Woah, look at that,” he said, “It looks so beautiful.”

Yukhei looked back at the TV, and turned his face to Kunhang. He was captured by what he was seeing on the screen, Yukhei had to agree, the lanterns that were lit looked ethereal. “Would you like to be there?”

He nodded, not leaving his eyes from the scene. “Well,” he said, shaking his head lightly and turning back to his meal. “It’s too late. They said the firework would fire in an hour and it’s in Kyoto.”

“But,” Yukhei insisted, “hypothetically speaking, if we rewinded today, would you like to be there?”

Kunhang laughed at him. “Are you kidding me? Of course, look at the lanterns. The fireworks aren’t even fired yet, which is the climax of the festival I remind you, but look at how beautiful it already looks. I would die to see that. Maybe next year.”

Yukhei also turned back to his meal, trying to hide a smile. “Maybe next year.”

Buying train tickets with their last money, they headed back to the dorm. Kunhang borrowed Yukhei’s shoulder the entire ride as they went through the polaroids. “It’s unfair how none of these is you.” 

“It’s okay,” Yukhei said. “This is your day, not mine.”

After greeting everyone, they went to their room, both exhausted yet satisfied, took turns in shower. Kunhang was the later to get out, seeing Yukhei already on his bed instead of his own. “Why did you leave me last night if you were just going to come back today?”

“It has been a long time since I did that,” Yukhei said, receiving a confused glance from the other. “I had a nightmare, I mean.”

“Oh, okay.” Kunhang joined him in the bed, taking the first opportunity to cuddle with him. “I wanted to talk to you, but you’re lucky I am so tired right now. Tomorrow.”

Petting his wet hair fondly, Yukhei repeated what he said. “Tomorrow.”

Yukhei jumped off the bed, feeling his absolute best out of all the days he had left behind. He had an overflowing excitement inside him that he found it hard to contain, washing his face, he looked at the reflection, so much different than how he looked a couple of days ago. Even though he still felt tired, there were no more bags under his eyes, his skin was glowing, he looked healthy above all, healthy and happy. Maybe this really was an opportunity given to him to get his shit together, Yukhei thought, if that was the case then he was succeeding. He seemed to be doing good, he was proud of himself too. 

He had woken up at noon again, failing to stop the same patterns he was following. He rushed his way to the kitchen, why, to find Kunhang of course. “Good morning,” said Kunhang, the same as he did multiple times throughout the story, though this time he was not ready for the quick kiss Yukhei gave him on the lips. Yukhei found that fitting today, he didn’t know what had gotten into him but he didn’t care to find out soon. He wanted to do this, he knew Kunhang wanted this, so he did it as that was what Kunhang deserved. “That was unexpected,” Kunhang said, eyes wide open, mouth curving into a soft smile.

“I have so much planned for us today.”

“You do?”

“I do.” Yukhei found it hard to contain his smile as well. “I am going to take you to the best place on the Earth tonight and nothing can prepare you for it.”

“Nothing could prepare me for what had happened as well.”

Yukhei laughed, giving him another kiss. “You’re so funny. Now get ready, we will leave soon.”

Yukhei hadn’t even told him where they were headed, he wanted all of it to be a surprise. Kunhang would love it, he had no worries about that, he had seen how his eyes shone as he watched the news, he even watched them after coming back to the dorm since he wanted to see the fireworks. Adorable, Yukhei thought, how unaware yet excited he was. 

They took the train to Kyoto, turns out trains were even faster here, it felt like they were standing still while the world around them flashed before their eyes. They had their breakfasts on the train, the same ones Kunhang loved, he was confused as to how Yukhei knew what to buy yet thrilled. Yukhei didn’t forget to buy another polaroid camera today as yesterday’s had disappeared to thin air, he took many pictures of Kunhang, at the station, on the train, everywhere he could think of and every moment his hands were free to hold the camera. No surprise to him, all the pictures looked stunning, thanks to unbelievably pretty him.

Hours after begging from Kunhang, Yukhei resisted telling him where they were going. Though after Yukhei took him to try out yukatas for the evening, he had figured it out. It was hilarious to Yukhei how touched he was, he had expected him to be excited instead of crying but he didn’t complain. There were still some aspects of this festival that were left unrevealed, lanterns, Yukhei couldn’t wait to see him under them.

He wasn’t let down. It was worth waiting for Kunhang’s reaction instead of telling him. Left speechless, he didn’t talk. He just watched around him, looking absolutely stunning in a yukata, surrounded with lanterns, eyes wide open with amazement. They held hands for the most time, another tema of today besides from the quick kisses, they held hands the entire time and Yukhei loved it. He loved every second of this, every second of him. He loved him. He loved him.

So that was what all these meant. Love, the thing Yukhei was running away from, being in love with his best friend. He was so blatantly lying to himself, mother nature had to take the control away from him. Telling himself that they were just best friends and it would ruin their friendship if he made any mistakes, but what was he wrong about that he didn’t make any mistakes except for denying his feelings. If he didn’t make a mistake of kissing him, cuddling him to sleep, then none of this would happen, he thought. He wouldn’t take him to a movie date to watch a movie that they didn’t understand anything from. He wouldn’t have a picnic with him in the most fancy dresses he owned, in a public park. He wouldn’t travel Osaka with him, wouldn’t take his photos the whole day. These amazing memories, even though he was the only one that got to keep them, wouldn’t be possible if he hadn’t kissed him that night. He did well, he thought, this experience, all of it helped him realize the fact that he loved him, more than he could ever imagine otherwise. Also, the mistake wasn’t the kiss. It was leaving him alone that night, and acting like nothing happened the next day. What an absolute idiot he was, he thought, so stupid he had to enter a supernatural situation to get a hold of himself.

The fireworks went off, very loud, but mesmerizing to watch at the same time. His eyes weren’t on the fireworks, though. He had taken a picture of him with fireworks in the background, but he couldn’t help but stare at it, then Kunhang. The whole world seemed to stop, suddenly the time was nonexistent to him only, almost like he started seeing everything in slow motion. He had never seen anything this beautiful before, Kunhang with galaxies in his eyes, watching the beautiful scenery like there was no tomorrow. Nothing mattered to Yukhei as much as he did, not even tomorrow that didn’t come. The only moment he had to live, only now, without worrying about what would come the next day, without trying too hard to make everything right for the future. He was only in that moment, and in that moment Kunhang was in front of him. Nothing mattered to Yukhei as much as he did, and Yukhei opened his mouth to tell him that. “I love you.”

Everything was back to their own pace, people cheering around them, the loud fireworks, yet it was rather silent between them, slower than it was for their surroundings. He was sure Kunhang had heard him as he turned his head to face Yukhei, with a very soft look in his eyes. “What did you say?” he asked, so quiet, almost inaudible.

“I love you,” Yukhei exclaimed one more time.

“You do?” Kunhang searched his face. “Is this a friendly I love you or-”

Yukhei cut him off, aggressively shaking his head. “No, that’s not it. I love you, Kunhang.”

It didn’t take long for the other to jump onto Yukhei’s arms, hugging him so tight he couldn’t breathe. He hung around there longer than Yukhei expected him to do, it was okay though, he was also grasping him harder for all the times he had wasted and like there was no tomorrow. Only he mattered to Yukhei, nothing else, making him happy was his number one priority from now on. 

What if tomorrow never came? Well, Yukhei thought, then he would still be happy to be trapped here, repeating the same day with the person he loved and cared the most. It would hurt, but not as much now that he had a purpose. Letting Kunhang know how loved he was every single day.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey folks, thanks for making it till the end! This was a ride, but I hope you liked it more than I did haha :(
> 
> [twitter!](https://twitter.com/dejunluver)


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